The Red String of Fate
by Yoru-ChanT.T
Summary: The red string of fate,also called the read thread of destiny, binds two people that are meant to be together. Allen Walker a boy of fifteen years of age meets the love of his life and let's just say he isn't what he expected him to be.YULLEN.
1. The Strange Meeting

The red string of fate is a myth in East Asia that the gods tie an invisible red string in the ankles of men and women, who are meant to be together. Often, in Japanese culture, it is said that its tied in your pinkie connecting the two lovers together. The two people that are connected by this string of fate are destined to be together, no matter the place, time or consequences of that bond. It is tied by a red string by the belief that it can never be cut.

I was captured by this belief. I, Allen Walker, have never wanted something so much like I wish the red string of fate to be true.

I hope it isn't weird that a boy wishes such thing to be true. To be made for someone else. Someone you can love and cherish for the rest of your life. Someone to hold you in your darkest days and whisper sweet words in your ear. I want someone that will want every part of me and expects me to want them just as much.

If such thing was true then I would have a reason to exist.

I sighed and got up from the very comfortable spot in the couch I was sitting on, waiting for Lenalee, my best friend, to come down. I had known Lenalee for about five years and knew she spent hours looking at herself in the mirror. She would look at herself from a variety of angles, in multiple pieces of clothing, until she decided she looked good in it.

We were going to meet some of her friends today. They transferred here from Europe to our small town in Brownsville, Texas. I was originally from Europe, but came to America with my foster father when I was a small child.

Mana Walker was a traveling clown and met me on the streets where he was performing. He adopted me and I spent the most beautiful moments in my life with him. He taught me so many things about life that I will never ever forget. Unfortunately, our time together was short. Mana died a few years later and left me in the care of Marian Cross, that left me in the care of Jerry.

I thank Master Cross for leaving me with him. He left me in Jerry's care so that he could continue his womanizing ways without dragging a kid with him. I shuddered at the thought of him leaving me more debts, that man was like a demon-is a demon-leaving a seven year old kid a mountain of debts to take care of. To be able to pay his debts I turned to gambling and must admit am pretty good at it.

_Pretty good at cheating_, a part of me said. Yes I admit it, I did cheat. But come on, what was a seven year old kid that lost his Father and his new guardian left him a mountain of debts to do. The doorbell ringed and tore me away from the thoughts of my family.

Should I answer it? I asked myself. I should what if it's Komui, Lenalee's older brother, but he should have the keys to his own house, right?

"Allen can you get that," I heard Lenalee say, loud enough for me to hear.

"Sure."

I opened the door and something heavy tackled me to the ground. I saw the color red before I fell. I immediately cringed and tried to push, whatever was on top of me, away.

"Lenalee I missed you so much!" a happy sing song voice said." You can't believe how mean Yu has been to me. ME! His best friend a friend that is much like his brother in many ways-"

"DON'T CALL ME BY FIRST NAME BAKA USAGI!" a voice, which strangely sent shivers down my spine, growled. It growled, was I being attacked by muggers or was I being jumped on by a potential rapists or maybe a pair of psychopaths!

"Lavi get off him!" Lenalee, my savior, scolded. I looked up and there she was looking down on me and Lavi, which was a boy who had jumped me and tackled me to the ground.

"Lenalee!" he cried and quickly got off me and hugged her instead. I quickly stood up and watched the pair curiously. Lavi was several inches taller than Lenalee and he had his red hair pulled back by a green and black pattered headband. He wore a tight white pair of skinny jeans and a white and black striped shirt with an orange colored scarf around his neck, that made a good contrast with his skin if I say so myself, what really got my attention was that he was wearing a black eye-patch over his right eye leaving only his left eye uncovered that was a pretty shade of green.

"Lavi," Lenalee laughed. "Get off of me and say sorry to Allen."

Lenalee turned her attention back to the door and gave another smile. "Hi Kanda long time no see."

Kanda muttered a greeting and looked at me with a scowl on his face. I, for once, couldn't take my eyes off him. He was very beautiful. He had long navy blue hair tied back in a high ponytail and left two strands of hair loose, which adorned his face splendidly. He wore similar clothing to Lavi, but he was wearing a light gray sweater and was dressed in black head to toe. Cold cobalt eyes looked at me quizzically as if trying to decipher what I was.

I knew my appearance was rather strange. I had white hair and a scar that I had received after Mana's death.

"Oh, Kanda and Lavi this is Allen. Allen this is Kanda and Lavi, my childhood friends," Lenalee said.

In that moment I didn't know that,in time, I would fall deeply and crazy in love with Kanda Yu.


	2. I'm not a Moyashi!

**Disclaimer: I don't own - Man (wish I did).**

**I want to thank The Puppeteer Master, Animeloverx175, Vhyna sii semelekete, and Cassie for their nice reviews.*sends you all a huge hug***

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><p>"Oh, Kanda and Lavi this is Allen. Allen this is Kanda and Lavi, my childhood friends," Lenalee said.<p>

"It's nice to meet you both," I said, smiling brightly at them. I really wanted to get along with them; they were precious friends to Lenalee after all. Lenalee was like a sister to me and I didn't want to lose her or cause her any problems. I wanted to be helpful and nice to her and to her most important friends.

I knew how important her friends were to her. They were the world to her and I didn't want that world of hers to shatter.

"Awww...you are so cute Allen-Chan," Lavi cooed and placed his hands on my cheeks. I stared at him wide eyed and felt a sudden heat rush into my face. I was probably blushing and that only made Lavi squeal in delight.

"Isn't he a cutie Yu-Chan?" Lavi asked Kanda as he pushed me towards said man. Me being as graceful as a bird tripped and fell towards Kanda. I fell head first into his chest and he gripped my shoulders and pulled me upright. I looked up and saw his face inches away from mine, our noses almost touching; I could feel his breath on my face. He was staring at me in surprise and there was something in his eyes that made my heart race fast in my chest. I was entranced by how blue his eyes were and was trying to decipher what I was seeing in his eyes, as it was the world's greatest mystery. He seemed to notice our closeness and he pushed me away from him before I could figure it out.

"No he isn't cute at all. Baka Usagi and if I hear you saying my first name again I swear I will kill you and I'll enjoy every second of it." He looked at Lavi murderously and Lavi only smiled in response.

"How mean Yu and I think you like him very much." Lavi looked at both Kanda and me.

"Dammit Lavi, stop calling me by my first name and I fucking don't like the Moyashi!" Kanda growled and looked at me with a look of disgust in his face. Well let's say that did it. I guess the Moya-whatever- was me. I knew that Baka was stupid, but what was Moyashi? Oh yeah and what the hell with that look he gave me!

"My name is Allen and what's with that face?" I looked at him angry not hiding my distaste in the least.

Lavi burst into a fit of laughter. "'Moyashi', that was pure genius Yu!" he choked out.

"Now, Lavi that isn't funny," Lenalee started but she was smiling. She tried to hide it, but, in my opinion, was doing a bad job in doing so.

"Lenalee,"I whined. "What is that Moyashi word mean?" I tried to give her the most pleading look I could manage. I was dying to know what the word meant.

"Allen it means beansprout." Huh? Beansprout, why was that so funny? He called me a beansprout. I was a beansprout. A beansprout….. HE CALLED ME A BEANSPROUT!

"I am not a beansprout!" I yelled. I looked at him and I saw him smirking down at me. That…. that….. Jerk! Forgive me Lenalee but these guy how he dare insult my height! I know I am short but that doesn't make it okay to openly make fun of my height.

I was about to continue my argument when my cellphone rang. I reached into my back pocket and answered it.

"Allen, my sweetheart, where are you?" a worried voice asked me this voice was the one of my current guardian, Jerry.

"I'm at Lenalee's house remember?" I was sure I told him this morning were I was going. "What's wrong?"

"Wrong? Oh! Nothing's wrong …..Well …partly."

"Jerry I don't understand what you mean by 'partly'," I told him. I was starting to get worried and Jerry acting strange wasn't helping. There was a hint of excitement in his voice, and, no matter how happy I was that he was excited for something, that was never a good sign.

"I need you to come home," he began." You see my old buddy came over with his sons and they need a place to stay and me being the great friend I am I invited them to stay here, at our house!"

"At our house? For how long will they be staying? "I asked and quickly added, "Not that I mind."

"Their place is still under construction and you can't believe how lucky we are. They are going to be our neighbors!"

"Okay, see you in a few," I told him and hanged up. I turned to face the three friends that had been silent during my whole conversation and quickly explained that I had to go. I quickly said goodbye to them and gave my last frown at Kanda and made my way to the door.

When I got home, Jerry and I got to cleaning the house. I was in charge of the rooms that were upstairs and Jerry was in charge of cooking and of the rooms that were downstairs. I swept the floors, changed the sheets in the mattress, and anything else that was in sight. After a few hours we were finished and we left our home looking fresh and comfy. I went up to my room and took a quick shower. The water was cold against my bare skin and it relaxed my sore muscles. The cleaning had exhausted me but I finished showering in no time. I quickly changed in to my Jack Skellington pajamas and went downstairs. I heard Jerry talking with someone down the hall. I believe his friend just arrived by the sound of Jerry's voice. I smiled and rounded the corner and saw no other than Kanda Yu in my way.

"Well if it isn't the Moyashi," he said smirking. What was he doing here? Oh no, no, no, no please god no.

"I will be staying here a while Moyashi."

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><p><strong>Yay, I am done! Thanks for reading and don't worry things are going to get interesting. I will have chapter 3 out soon.<strong>


	3. The Unexpected Guest

**Thanks for the reviews, they rock! And, I am going to try and write longer chapters from now on, but please…. be patient with me!**

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><p>"<em>I will be staying here a while Moyashi."<em>

I couldn't believe my ears. Kanda was going to be staying here, that much was painfully clear to me. Putting my discomfort aside, I still had to greet Kanda and his family, even though I had the desire to run back to my room and never ever come back out.

"My name is Allen .A-L-L-E-N," I told him, smiling. I tried to keep my cool even though he called me a beansprout- which I was not- I still had to be polite. It's for Jerry, I reminded myself, and I wouldn't allow him to get me in a bad mood.

"Che, whatever you say." He walked past me to the living room and sat on the couch facing the telly. He sat in the far corner of our purple colored couch looking annoyed. I wondered how somebody could be so moody all the time but didn't ponder on it. I would end up not understanding it at all.

I turned to the sound of Jerry's ecstatic voice down the hall and walked towards it. I saw Jerry holding the hands of a man that looked to be in his late forties. He was an inch shorter than Jerry and lacked the muscle that Jerry had, but he had a smile in his face and was crying uncontrollably. Jerry was talking to him about how glad he was that they were going to be neighbors and how much he missed him. I tore away my vision from the two friends to see the other three people in the hall. One of them was as tall as Jerry and had the same chocolaty skin color as him and there was a woman nervously glancing left and right that was clinging to the man's arm. The other, was a boy that was snickering at the woman and had two purple streaks that went down his cheeks. He had a soccer ball in his hands and was turning it around in his hands.

"Jerry," I spoke to get their attention. I smiled gently to the man I had grown to love so much and said, "Don't keep them there bring them in."

"Oh! You're right baby, I completely forgot! How silly of me! Come to the living room and rest up." Jerry came up to me and grabbed my arm and pulled me in front of the crying man.

He presented me as his son and the man that was called Tiedoll came and embraced me in bone crushing hug. I then said hello to the others who introduced themselves to me. The Jerry look- a- like was named Noise Marie, the woman clinging to his arm was his fiancée,, Miranda Lotto, and then Daisya Barry was the other boy. I later discovered that Daisya, Marie, and Kanda were Tiedoll's adoptive sons.

"Oh my, where is my Yu-kun?" Tiedoll wailed. His eyes started to well up and he sniffed loudly.

"Mr. Tiedoll don't worry Kanda is waiting in the living room for us." I patted his shoulder and led him down the hall. The rest silently followed except for Jerry, who was talking to the engaged couple, interrogating them of their relationship. Asking them things like: "How did you guys meet?" And" How did you propose to her?", and "How did she react when you asked?"

Marie kindly answered all of his questions while patting Miranda's hand. I felt sorry for the woman, she was blushing, furiously and started to speak incoherently causing Daisya to laugh.

As soon as Tiedoll saw Kanda, he detached himself from me and embraced him from the back.

"Yu-Kun," he sobbed. Kanda rolled his eyes and massaged his temples. He breathed in and out slowly, probably trying to calm himself. He spoke to Tiedoll slowly and asked him to get off him. Marie then let go off Miranda and walked to Tiedoll and gently took him away from Kanda.

"Are you hungry?" I asked them. Jerry had practically prepared a feast for them. I knew he made a lot of the food thinking about me and my big appetite .Cross used to say that I ate way too much and Jerry had once told me that it made me special. I remember that I had smiled for the first time after Mana's departure. The thought of Mana made my chest hurt and breathing became difficult. It happened so many times that I had learned how to hide my true emotions well. I didn't want anybody worrying for me. I just wasn't worth that attention.

"Yeah, I'm starving!" exclaimed Daisya.

"I'm not hungry," said Kanda. He looked at Jerry and asked, "Where are we going to sleep?"

"You will be sharing the room with Allen." Jerry turned to look at me and I nodded in approval. I really didn't want to but I had no choice. My heart was beating hard in my chest and I put my hand in top off it, silently begging it to stop beating so fast. Was I that displeased that he would be staying with me? I mean, maybe it wouldn't even be that bad, right?

Kanda didn't seemed too pleased with the answer either, but nodded nether less. He grabbed his bag and walked towards me. I turned around and we walked silently to my room.

I opened the door to my room and walked inside followed by Kanda. Kanda silently glanced at my room and placed his bag on the floor. My eyes never left his face even when he turned to look at me. I was captivated by his eyes that were the most beautiful shade of blue.

Cobalt, were the color of his eyes. They held something in them that wanted me to look at them forever. Blue was a strong color. I had once read that blue represented knowledge, power, integrity, and seriousness. It was the color of the skies and oceans that both had a deadly power that was astonishing. Jerry said that the color blue brought peace.

Kanda's eyes pierced right through you. His gaze seemed to reflect pure wisdom and in their depths there was something that I couldn't place. In the afternoon when I first met him his eyes also had that same look.

What was it? I asked myself. What more was there to discover about this boy standing before me looking at me silently.

I was filled with the desire to learn more about him. I wanted to make that mouth -that always seemed to be in a frown- smile. That is how it all started.

His eyes became the first thing I fell in love with. I would have never guessed that this being, I would come to love. I didn't know that I was bounded to be with Kanda Yu.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	4. The Strange Feelings of Kanda Yu

**New chapter! This chapter is in Kanda's point of view. I was actually already thinking of adding a few chapters with Kanda's perspective of things and the reviews I read encouraged me to write this. Enjoy, and thanks for reading! **

**Disclaimer= Unfortunately, I don't own D. Gray –Man.**

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><p>The red string of fate is a whole load of pure bullshit. Love, is an emotion that you don't need in the least. In my guess, it's simpler that way. Life just goes on as if nothing wrong. You don't have to worry for somebody else….you don't have to worry if that person leaves you.<p>

In reality everybody out there is always looking out for themselves. They hurt others without a second thought. Hell, I have hurt many. The baka usagi and Lenalee were the only ones who ever tried to get close to me and succeeded. I don't need friends, is what I had always thought; Even now, I still think that way. I actually began to hang out with them because Tiedoll had forced me to, saying that I needed to have people with me. He told me that he didn't wish me to be alone. Well, fuck that!

That old fool was just too naïve for his own good. Didn't he get that? Didn't he see the true nature of human beings? Or was it just that he refused to acknowledge the truth before him? Either way the man was a fool and will always be.

When Tiedoll announced that we were moving I was fine with it. I had no reason to stay. The baka usagi would be going to the same town, we were going to be residing in, and Lenalee already lived there with her overprotective brother. We would be living some place called Brownsville that was in the peak of Texas. What great luck! I thought sarcastically.

As soon as we arrived Lavi and I went to see Lenalee and some friend of hers she wanted us to meet. I was in a foul mood by the long trip, but then I thought, when wasn't I moody? I mean who wouldn't be, when there was this babbling idiot who just wouldn't shut the fuck up? It didn't matter how many threats you shot at him, he would just smile and continue on as if you didn't say anything at all.

How I hated his smile. I hated that he could smile so easily, it came naturally and I hated it. I hated how Tiedoll adopted me when he saw me alone when the only people that I had died. I hated how Lenalee cherished her friends as if they were her whole world. I hated that everybody around me had something that was dear to them. What was dear to me? I found myself asking.

I knew that life was challenging and people could help you, but they could also create obstacles in the way. I have heard that when you love someone everything around you seems beautiful and that you give yourself fully to the other. People all around me search for that. Marie had found happiness in Miranda, a woman who was always apologizing and screwing things up. I simply couldn't understand how Marie could have decided to marry her. When I told him about this he only laughed and told me in his calm voice that had a hint of amusement in them: "When the time comes that you fall in love with someone -and you will-you will understand."

I really didn't see that happening any time soon, so I just bubbled up my curiosity.

When we arrived to Lenalee's home, thanks to Komui who had gladly given us their address, we ringed the doorbell. It was only a couple of minutes later that the door opened and Lavi, being the idiot he was, jumped and hugged a small man thinking he was Lenalee. I stared at Lavi as he was practically squeezing the man. I saw the terrified look in the man's eyes as I yelled at the baka usagi for using my first name.

At my first I thought the man was an old so I was bewildered when I saw he was not an old man but a young boy. Lenalee came down and separated them both and the boy quickly stood up. He had fallen when my so called best friend jumped at him. I saw him and saw that he was looking at pair curiously. Lenalee then greeted me and the white haired boy turned to look at me.

As his eyes were scrutinizing my frame I took the chance to look at him. He was dressed in tight black skinny jeans with knee high black boots. He had a long sleeved light blue shirt that made a nice contrast with his pale skin. He had a small face and his eyes were the color of rain. His face had a strange scar across his left eye; it began in his forehead and ended at the base of his chin. He was very strange looking indeed. The scar was the only thing that scarred his innocent looking face. The scar had a star at the top, it crossed his left eye and it then it took a slight curve then it went down again. How did he get such a peculiar looking scar?

Lenalee presented him to us as Allen.

"It's nice to meet you both." Allen gave us a smile and caused Lavi to get all over him. I rolled my eyes and looked away from them.

"Isn't he a cutie Yu-Chan?" I heard Lavi ask, before I saw Allen flying towards me. He fell into my chest and I grabbed his shoulders to balance him and myself. My eyes widened in response and he looked up to me with his gray colored eyes. He was as equally surprised as I was. His face was only inches apart from mine. I felt his breath, hot, on my face. His eyes were no longer shocked, but seemed –dare I say it-fascinated? I felt something strange in my stomach and felt a feeling of uneasiness swept pass me. I didn't like it at all. I pushed him away from me.

"No he isn't cute at all." I said. "Baka Usagi and if I hear you saying my first name again I swear I will kill you and I'll enjoy every second of it."

He smiled and looked at me and then at Allen while saying, "How mean Yu and I think you like him very much."

"Dammit Lavi, stop calling me by my first name and I fucking don't like the Moyashi!" I yelled. I didn't like this boy; He gave me a bad feeling. I didn't like surprises and this boy made me feel things that were not very pleasant. They were strange and new and beautiful.

I mentally punched myself. _Stupid, stupid don't get caught in them!_ A part of me said. But how couldn't I? This- whatever this was- was something I never, ever, experienced. What was it? Whatever it was, I don't like it.

"My name is Allen and what's with that face?" He looked at me daringly and I blinked in surprise. This kid had guts. He was annoying and he brought annoying feelings with him as well.

The annoying Beansprout then started asking Lenalee what Moyashi meant when Lavi started laughing. When Lenalee told him what it meant so many emotions crossed his face in an instant: Confusion, seriousness, and then anger.

"I am not a beansprout." He yelled. His nostrils were flared and his face was contorted into a pout. I smirked smugly at him, happy at my wittiness. He was about to continue to argue with his being a beansprout but his cellphone rang. He reached for it in his back pocket and answered it.

"I'm at Lenalee's house remember?" he said in a confused and slightly worried tone. The person was speaking loudly but he was speaking so fast you hardly understood what he was saying. Not that I wanted to hear, mind you.

"Jerry I don't understand what you mean by 'partly'." The Moyashi sounded confused and worry was clear in his voice.

"At our house? For how long will they be staying?" He asked. "Not that I mind."

"Okay, see you in a few," he said. He turned to us and quickly explained he had to go and left. But the little brat gave me a huge frown before leaving that I ignored with difficulty. How I hate that Beansprout of a boy.

I arrived at the small motel; we were staying, after an exhausting day at Lenalee's. The whole gang already was ready and we went to the house of Tiedoll's old buddy, where we were going to be staying at until our new home would be finished. Our home was still under construction and the funny thing was that it was right next door to the place we would be staying at.

When we arrived a muscled built man with long pink hair, which was braided into two separate pigtails, came out and embraced Tiedoll in a hug. Tiedoll, being the super emotional fool he was, started crying. The man brought us inside and Tiedoll introduced us all. I rolled my eyes and hissed at the man, who was called Jerry, when he tried to hug me. I walked past him and down the hall and was met with the Moyashi. He looked confused and I smiled well smirked.

"Well if it isn't the Moyashi,"I teased. "I will be staying here a while Moyashi." Oh how I enjoyed the look of absolute terror he had in his face. I was smirking in the outside and I found his reaction amusing, but there was that unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"My name is Allen .A-L-L-E-N," he said smiling but I could tell it was forced.

"Che, whatever you say."

I walked past him and sat in the couch. I didn't want to be here, I really didn't. I heard noises coming from down the hall and I shook my head. I resisted the urge to hit something, anything. I clenched my fists at my side. I wanted to get away from that happy reunion. I was too entranced with my thoughts that I didn't hear them approaching until I felt something embrace me from the back. I hissed and turned to see Tiedoll's sobbing face. I rolled my eyes at his silliness and massaged my temples to ease the headache that was coming on because of my guardians' loud sobs. Thankfully, Marie came and detached him from me. Marie was blind but he always seemed to know where everything was.

Marie and I had a nice relationship. He never seemed to do anything that got in my nerves. He and I could talk about anything and I meant anything. He always came to me for advice and I came to him for help too. He helped me keep my temper in check and he always seemed to know what to say that made me stay calm. I liked that about Marie. He wasn't the least as fucking annoying as everybody else seemed to be.

"Are you hungry?" I heard the Moyashi ask. I looked at him and saw a flash of hurt in his place that was quickly replaced by a smile. I knew that it wasn't genuine. He was forcing it and it bothered me that nobody else seemed to realize it.

"Yeah, I'm starving!" exclaimed Daisya.

"I'm not hungry," I said getting the attention of everyone in the house. "Where are we going to sleep?" I asked as I turned to face the pink haired man.

"You will be sharing the room with Allen." He said and turned to look at said person. He nodded at Jerry and then turned his gaze at me.

I nodded at the man and walked towards the awaiting beansprout. I didn't like that I would be sharing a room with him. I still had that weird sensation in my stomach and I felt dizzy. I followed the sprout up the stairs and into his room I placed my bag in the floor and did a quick inspection of the room.

The walls were painted a pure white like Allen's hair. There was a pair of shelves at the right side of the room that were filled with books; they ranged from a variety of colors and sizes. I turned my head and saw a window with black lace curtain drawn to the side and saw our soon to be home. I still wasn't close to being finished. They were still taking down the old house that was there. The old house had been considered unlivable and Tiedoll had gotten permission to remodel it. I sighed and continued my inspection. There was a small white desk beside the window that had several paper placed in a neat stack. The paper, with further inspection, I saw that it was a music sheet. The room was fairly clean and the boy had a keyboard on the floor. Well, that explained the music sheets in his desk.

I felt eyes on my back and faced the boy with hair as white has snow. I saw at him looking at me and by the looks of it he had been staring me for quite some time. I saw fascination in his eyes and was captured in how his eyes seemed to sparkle with excitement. No, it wasn't excitement I was seeing, it was curiosity. I wondered what he was thinking. I found myself wanting to know what he was thinking. Why did he force that smile to everyone in the living room? Why was I so annoyed with his presence? What was this feeling I had in my stomach?

I was filled with the desire to make him truly smile. I wanted to make all his pain fade. I wanted to have him smile all to myself. I didn't like it one bit that I was having these thoughts about the boy. I hated it. I hated that I wanted to know more about him.

I didn't want to fall in deeper to this desire I had. I didn't need these emotions. I know that and yet here I am thinking all these thoughts that contradict all I have lived by. Why did he have to make things so complicated? What an annoying beansprout of a boy he is. Very annoying indeed, I thought as I continued to stare at his eyes that seemed to shine.

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><p><strong>Finished! I didn't mean for it to be so long, but I just got caught up in the moment and this is what I made. Thanks for reading, though!<strong>


	5. And Together we Sleep

**Okay, new chapter! I want to thank all of you who have reviewed and read this story. Thank you! Thank You! Back to Allen's pov!**

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><p>I don't know how long I stayed looking into his eyes. It might have been hours long, but I didn't mind. He was looking at me the same, with that same curiosity that consumed me rapidly. It left nothing left and I wasn't complaining. He stared at me and his eyes softened as he was looking into my eyes in deep concentration. I felt a tingling sensation in my stomach that spread to my legs and to my arms then to my whole body.<p>

I couldn't move and didn't wish to move. I wanted him to keep looking at me, but I also wanted him to stop. I felt weird sensations in all my body, from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. An unbearable heat that spread through all my body, a warmth that was pleasant, desirable even, but it also brought a sense of fear rush to me. Fear of what this was. Fear of being rejected by him. Fear of what was to come. Yes, that was the fear I had. I can't handle this, I can't, I thought; Please don't let this hurt me.

"_Allen, god doesn't give you challenges you cannot face. He and I will always protect you. But whatever you do don't stop, keep walking,"_ said Mana's voice deep within my mind.

_I know Mana._ I told the presence that never left me alone.

His voice was a sense of comfort, but it also haunted me. It was the only thing that gave Mana back to me, even if it just lasted a couple of seconds. I still treasured it. His voice and the memories I still had of him. They were still a part of me and brought such a sinful sorrow in my heart. I didn't mind the pain, thought. Pain reminded me that I was real, that I still felt. That I still was a part of this world that was in constant rotation. I was scared at the nothingness that followed me. At the indifference that threatened my daily life.

His voice brought me back to reality. My body had went cold as I thought of Mana and his voice brought back that peculiar warmth I had felt minutes earlier.

"Hey, where am I going to sleep?" he asked.

"You can rest in the bed with me," I replied. His eyes widened in response and that is when I truly considered what I had offered him.

"I mean…um...you don't have to sleep with me! No wait I didn't mean it that way! I just wanted you to have a good rest since you had a long trip. I...I…I'm sorry!" I stuttered.

"It's fine. I understood what you meant and I don't mind sleeping with you."

I blushed at what he said. I think he took it the wrong way because he quickly said, "Not that way, idiot."

"I am not an idiot," I frowned but it came more like a pout.

"Don't pout," he scolded. "What are you, five? I know you look like one, but you don't have to act like one."

"Hey!" I screamed indignantly.

"Stop talking Moyashi, you're giving me a headache," he said as he massaged his temples.

"I am not a beansprout!"

"Yeah and I am the president of the fucking world," He scoffed.

"I am not a beansprout you….BaKanda." I smiled pleased at my cleverness while Kanda was outraged.

"What did you say you little piece of shit?"

I faked a sigh. "I said BaKanda or are you deaf as well Kanda?" I told him while looking at my nails as I said this to him.

"I don't think you know who you're messing with sprout," he hissed at me dangerously.

"I don't think I do," I admitted. I didn't look up to him to see him. I wasn't scared at him even though his tone should bring a sense of fear through me, it didn't. I loved to hear him talk.

And I truly didn't know who I was messing with and I was dying to know. Who was Kanda Yu? I want to know more about him, much more.

"Then I'll fucking show you."

My head snapped back up immediately and saw him walking towards me. He grabbed my hand and yanked me towards him. He then grabbed my chin and made me look up toward his eyes. My eyes widened and his mirrored my own, surprised by his own actions. His grip on me tightened and his eyes darkened and he looked at me with anger. His grip tightened a little more and I gasped.

He let me go and grabbed his bag from the floor. He placed it in the bed and took out a black shirt and gray sweatpants from his bag.

"Where is the restroom?" he asked not looking to me in the eyes.

"I am actually quite lucky," I said, trying to ease up the tension that was in the air. "I have one in my own in my room. It's in that door right there, the closest one to the books." I pointed to the door that was right by the bookshelves.

He nodded and headed towards it. He opened it quickly and was about to walk towards it but stopped.

"I didn't mean to snap at you like that but it just happened. This isn't an apology sprout so don't think of it as one. Got that?"

"I know and I'm sorry I called you an idiot, Bakanda. And I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you don't scare me. As long as you call me a beansprout I will call you BaKanda."I was glad that my voice sounded convincing. It wasn't necessarily the truth but it wasn't a lie either.

I was afraid of Kanda in that he made me feel strange things not by his attitude. I guess any sane person would be afraid of him, but I long ago stopped classifying myself as others.

He didn't say anything to me; he just walked in the restroom and closed the door.

I went back downstairs and told everyone I was going to bed. Jerry gave me a kiss in the cheek and wished me a good night's sleep. Tiedoll gave me another bone crushing hug and everyone at the table wished me sweet dreams.

When I went back up to the room, Kanda was already in my bed fully changed and he had his hair down. I turned off the lights and slipped under the sheets with him. I roll over to my side and faced away from Kanda towards the window.

"Sweet dreams Kanda," I whispered softly.

"Goodnight."

I smiled and closed my eyes. Minutes passed and I still couldn't sleep. I tried to find sleep by counting to a million when that didn't work I sang myself a lullaby. I felt Kanda shift in the bed and felt him roll over to my side. I felt his breath in my neck and my heart started to beat fast in my chest. I heard his soft breathing and I tuned to face him. I was met with Kanda's beautiful sleeping face. His mouth wasn't no longer formed into a frown, his face no longer filled with annoyance, was calm. The sound of his breathing lulled me into a blissful slumber were I dreamt of him, and only him.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Sorry it was short, but I'm truly busy. I promise in the next chapter it will be longer than this one.<strong>


	6. My Memories of you Still Remain

**Sorry I took so long in uploading a new chapter. Thanks for the ones who have reviewed and read this story. I am truly grateful to you all.**

**WakeToSanity,**

**I do intend to make Allen more masculine, but if you have any advice for me please tell me. **

** Yoru-ChanT.T**

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><p>I had always had frightening dreams that would wake me up in the middle of the night. My nightmares that would make chills run down my spine and tears run down my face. Horrible dreams that made me scream with horror. Dreams that tormented me and seemed to slowly made me lose my sanity.<p>

When Mana found me I was able to fall into blissful slumbers. I dreamt of Mana and me playing by the beaches coast, listening to the sound of the waves hitting the shore. I dreamt of the sunset and the night's beginning. I dreamt of the possibilities the future would have for my Father and I.

I was able to become a child- for once in my life- a child in need of protection, a child that needed to be showered with love. I was once a being filled with resentment towards everything. Towards my real parents' abandonment, the disgusted look people gave me when they saw my left arm, white hair, and scar, and my loneliness.

I spent years hating my life and god. I hated him for giving me my, horrible, deformed arm. I hated that I was alone. I hated that I was even able to hate something at all.

Until I met Mana, I felt that I was not living. I believed that this couldn't be life. My days were filled with infinite gray skies that never seemed to get clearer, only darker by day. Mana became my sun that placed light in all those gray colored clouds and made them disappear; he made me see the pure color of blue in the sky.

The sky was a light blue, so blue, that I became lost by its beauty and I was captivated by it. He made all my pain leave me. He made me see why people craved company. He made me see what beauty was like. He made me feel love and compassion for others. He made me throw away all my feelings of hatred.

I then came to need Mana. He completed me. He was the missing piece in my life.

When Mana died, my pain came back to me as quick as I had left me. I felt cheated somehow by Mana, for him dying and leaving me here all had been diagnosed with Alzheimer. Those times are locked deep within my mind, his final moments. I still remember seeing Mana slowly slipping away from my grasp.

I met the Noah family because of that.

_Mana held my hand all the way down the hospital's hall. His smile was no longer etched on his face; it now looked pained and drained from his normal cheerfulness. His eyes didn't seem to have the shine they usually possessed. I squeezed his hand and he squeezed it right back. He looked at me and gave me a smile._

"_Allen, today you are going to meet my family," he said." I haven't been in contact with them for a very long time and today we will meet them." _

"_I want you to be in your best behavior," he added._

"_Mana… are you sick?" I asked._

"_Yes, I am sick."_

"_I'll take care of you then, like you did to me when I was sick," I told him._

"_Really, Allen?" he asked." Will you take care of me?"_

"_Of course I will!" I giggled and swung our hands back and forth. _

"_Mana, there you are!" said a voice filled with relief. A man with a top hat came and embraced Mana. Mana let go of my hand and returned the hug._

"_Long time no see, Earl." _

_The Earl was not alone I noticed. There was another man and a girl, about my age, accompanying him. The other man had long hair and also had tanned skin and golden eyes as the girl had. He looked at me and smiled and motioned me towards him. The little girl had short navy blue hair that was in spikes. She had a white dress and black flats. The long haired man gave my hand to the girl and walked toward Mana and the Earl and embraced them both._

_The girl smiled and asked," What's your name?"_

"_Allen, Allen Walker."_

"_My name is Road Camelot," she said." And you see the man with long hair?"_

_When I nodded she continued," Well, he's my Papa. He is your uncle Sheryl and I'm your cousin Road."_

"_My cousin?" I asked._

_She nodded at me enthusiastically and hugged me._

"_Yep! We're family!" she exclaimed._

_She then released me and told me all about her family. She told me about her Uncle Tykki and Skin Boric, Lulubell, the twins that liked to be called Jasdevi, and so many more. She spoke so quickly that I could hardly keep up with her. She would switch from person to person, talking to me about them as if I already knew them._

_I turned my attention to Mana and the other two men and noticed them all crying. I quickly rushed to Mana's side and tugged on his shirt._

_He looked down at me and smiled, but his eyes weren't smiling. He must of seen worry clear in my eyes because he picked me up. He placed his forehead against mine and nuzzled my nose against his._

"_Earl, and you too, Sheryl .I formally introduce you to my son, Allen." He smiled once more._

"_My last treasure," he whispered._

_That was the beginning of the end of Mana's time. _

The rest then followed quickly I was sent to Marian Cross's care. Marian then sent me to Jerry and that leads me up to this point. I still visited them from time to time and they oftened called me to see how I was doing. They brought a lot of painful memories with their presence, but I still loved them to death. They were one of the reminders I had that Mana had existed, that Mana was real.

My nightmares and pain came back to me, but they had changed as I also did. Only that there was nobody else that would chase them away like Mana did.

I didn't like showing weakness to others. I didn't show them any of my real emotions. Jerry had once told me that we shouldn't keep all of our feelings bottled up because one day they would all harm us all at once. I still couldn't bring myself to talk about myself like I did with Mana. It would hurt too much.

But I hadn't had any nightmares this night. The first night Kanda spent here I had no nightmares, whatsoever. I dreamt of him and that bothered me.

I woke up and noticed that Kanda wasn't in my room. I quickly stood up and walked out towards the kitchen. The smell of bacon hit me and my stomach growled loudly. I blushed and continued my way. I saw everybody already seated at the table, eating.

"Good morning, my dear Allen!" Jerry cried.

"Good morning, Allen," Tiedoll said.

"Likewise," I smiled. "Well, it seems I overslept today."

"Oh my, did my Yu-Kun not let you sleep!" Tiedoll stammered.

"Stop calling me that!" Kanda yelled.

"Kanda what were you doing to the poor kid?" Daisya teased.

"Nothing!"

"My dear Allen, what has he done to you?" Jerry shrieked.

"My Yu-Kun is all grown up!" Tiedoll sobbed.

"I didn't do anything to him! You are all of bunch of idiots if you think I did something to him!" Kanda growled.

"I'm very sorry, but I don't quite understand what you are implying that Kanda did to me." I stated.

"Trust me you don't want to know-"Kanda started saying to me but was interrupted by Daisya.

"Kanda was doing the dirty with you!"

"My poor baby!" Jerry sniffed the same time Tiedoll said "Bad Yu-Kun!"

"I wasn't doing anything to the damn Moyashi!" Kanda yelled.

I looked at them confused and then blushed when I finally understood what they were saying.

"We didn't do anything like that!" I shrieked." We went to sleep and I was having trouble sleeping that's why I overslept!"

"Like if I would do that to a Moyashi."

"My name is Allen, BaKanda!" I said indignantly.

"Look they have already gave each other nicknames!" Jerry cooed.

"Adorable, it's just adorable!" Tiedoll added.

"Look what you did Baka Moyashi!"

"I didn't cause this! If somebody caused it was you. You called me a Moyashi first, so it's your fault!"

"It's not my fault that you look like a dammed Beansprout!"

"I don't look like a Beansprout you idiot!"

"Yeah right," Kanda said sarcastically.

"I don't!"

My stomach growled and I placed my hands in top off it and blushed again. Kanda rolled his eyes and sat back down. I sat down beside Jerry and Jerry placed my food in front of me.

I ate my breakfast fairly quickly, surprising everyone in the table.

"How doesn't he blow up after eating that much?" asked Daisya.

"Maybe he has a hollow leg," Kanda suggested.

"Kanda that isn't very nice," scolded Marie.

Kanda snorted and rolled his eyes. Miranda looked absolutely shocked and was mumbling something under her breath.

"Well, excuse me for my appetite," I sighed.

"Damn glutton." I didn't need to look up to know that it was Kanda who had spoken.

I stuck out my tongue at him.

"What are you five?" he asked.

"Humph!" I turned around, but not before I saw him smirk.

"Well, everyone today we have big plans!" Jerry began." We are going to take you all out on the outlets in Mercedes. So hurry up and go get changed, all of you!"

I stood up and walked to my room followed my Kanda who looked annoyed, as usual. If only he would ease up a bit and enjoy life a little bit more, but who was I to judge him.

I was practically the same, wasn't it? I had trained myself to hide my emotions well. Nobody noticed the emptiness I felt after Mana's passing. Nobody noticed that I was weeping inside and it made me feel insignificant.

But someone did notice my pain and it was none other than Kanda Yu. I just didn't know it yet.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	7. Kanda's Compassion

**I'm sorry I took so long to update. Once again I wish everyone for reading and reviewing. I was extremely busy this week and couldn't finish writing this chapter. By the way this is Kanda's point of view. I'm sorry, I'm sorry and ENJOY!**

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><p>"<em>All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name."<em>

_-Andre Berton_

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><p>I followed the Beansprout upstairs. The walls were filled of photographs, ones of the Moyashi and Jerry and also about some others that I didn't know… yet. Yes, I didn't know them yet, but I felt that I would meet them.<p>

The Beansprout walked quickly to his room. He didn't look at me and just concentrated at the task at hand, placing one foot in front of the other. His white hair in disarray, his eyes opened with laziness, his lopsided smile seemed so childish. It seemed childish, almost innocent, but I wasn't. His face smiled, surely it did, but his eyes didn't smile…..his eyes didn't shine. It wasn't the least happy.

I had always known how to figure out the true intention of others; I developed the ability to read people as others may read books. Marie had once told me that I had a sixth sense. He told me that God had blessed me with such ability.

God… I have always believed that there was a superior being, but I wasn't particularly religious or anything. The idea of god had always been a touchy subject with me. Tiedoll had tried to bring me closer to him once, when he had just recently adopted me. His attempts were pointless, though. They were pointless from the beginning and that didn't sadden me in the least. I had expected it.

Nothing had ever gotten my attention before. I have never truly wanted something. I had everything I could ask for since Tiedoll adopted me, yet there was something missing.

We finally reached the Moyashi's bedroom. Said person opened the door and held it opened for me. I then noticed that he had black gloves. Now that I think about it, he had those gloves yesterday too. It wasn't that cold to be wearing gloves, so why? I didn't ponder on the thought, why should I care what this sprout does?

I walked to the room and headed to my bag. It was where I had left it last night. I picked it up and placed it on the bed. I quickly searched it and got a pair of jeans and a gray and black long sleeved shirt. Without looking at the Moyashi, that had been staring me silently, I walked in the bathroom to change. I had already taken a shower this morning when Allen was still sleeping.

I had woken up to see his face inches away from mine. His fingers had been tangled in my hair and his body was pressing against mine. I quickly tried to disentangle his fingers from my hair and hissed when he just gripped it tighter. I rolled my eyes at him. I considered the idea to shake him awake or simply demand him to let go by 'gently' telling him to let go. After a couple of minutes of contemplating what to do, he released my hair.

Then I just took a shower, changed, and headed downstairs leaving Allen in the room.

I took off my sleep ware and put my clothes on. My hair was still down; it hung loosely around my face. I gathered it and placed it in my usual high ponytail.

I became overwhelmed with anger towards the Beansprout. I hated him for making my chest feel funny…for making my stomach feel strange…I hated everything that he brought with him. I hated all those things he brought to me, but do I hate him? No, that's not it. I don't hate him… I just…I feel… he makes me uneasy.

I concentrated on breathing in and out. Inhale .Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I finished changing and got out and was met with Allen being fully dressed. He was combing his messy hair. He hadn't heard me come out or at least pretended not to. A flash of red caught my attention to Allen's left hand. His gloves, I thought. But weren't they black? The idiot probably had another pair of gloves. So I was very surprised to see it wasn't any glove, it was Allen's arm.

His arm was a bloody red. The veins around his arm as prominent ridges in sand dunes that all led to an embedded cross in the center of his red hand. His finger nails were long and black. As I was doing my inspection of his arm he noticed me watching him and he followed my gaze that led to his arm.

His eyes widened in shock and….fear. He hid his arm behind himself and looked down at his feet. His white bangs hiding his eyes.

"Disgusting, isn't it?" He smiled. Not happily, though, and not the usual smiles he gave out to others. He was showing something that was all his, his true emotions. And he was showing them to me. His smile was bitter and it didn't suit him. No not at all.

If it had been anybody else I wouldn't have even bothered to comfort them, but this was the Moyashi we were talking about and everything was different with him. And I found myself saying, "It's not disgusting."

I don't think Moyashi could be disgusting at all. His arm sure it send shock to anyone, but I didn't find it disgusting or gross or whatever. It was his arm. It was Allen's arm. Sure, it was fucking different than everybody else's but it was unique. It was new and peculiar just like him.

"It isn't?" He snorted.

"It's not."

"You're a liar."

"I'm not lying," I told him. I said it slowly, calmly. This wasn't like me. I knew that it fucking wasn't like me, but I just couldn't stop myself.

"You are. You're thinking it's disgusting, don't you? You are going to make fun of me aren't you? Well then, go on. Go on and insult me already. Say it's gross and go away!" He yelled.

I resisted the urge to punch something. This stupid, stupid idiot, did he not just hear what I fucking said? Didn't he notice this anxiousness in me? Didn't he hear the loud beating of my heart; I was filled of emotions I didn't understand. I never really tried to understand them before. I had always thought emotions were pointless, before I had met him. Before I had these thoughts, these desires, that contradicted everything I have lived by and it's his entire, fucking, fault.

So I did something that I would regret. Something that maybe could change everything.

I grabbed his left hand from his back and pulled it to my face. His head snapped back up to look at me, eyes that were wet with tears.

"Kanda, What are you doing?" he asked.

"This doesn't bother me. This is a part of you and I accept it as such. I am not that cruel to say such things to you. I'm not like that. Beansprout, do not be ashamed of this arm. This doesn't change anything between us. You are Allen with this arm and you wouldn't be Allen without it. Got that, moron?" I hissed.

He blushed and his tears overflowed his crystal gray eyes. He bowed his head and I saw that his ears were also a cherry red.

"This isn't funny, you know. Stop it."

My eye twitched and I truly wanted to knock some sense to him already.

"DAMMIT! I'M NOT MAKING FUN OF YOU, IDIOT! BAKA MOYASHI!" I growled.

He yelped and looked up at me, fearfully.

"You don't think it's gross?" he asked, again.

Count to ten, I told myself. Breathe in and out, in and out, in and out.

"I don't and I never will, weren't you listening?"

He smiled at me. He smiled a real smile. It fit his face perfectly. I knew that it was meant to always be there. I felt my heart beat fast in my chest as a hummingbird's wing flapping in the air.

And he then did something that surprised me. He ran up to me and embraced me. He one armed hugged me because I still had his hand in my grasp. I let go of his hand in surprise and he then wrapped that arm around me too.

"Thank you, BaKanda."

"Yeah, whatever." I looked down and his hair tickled my neck. I didn't hug him back; I was completely clueless in what to do. What does he expect me to do? Hug him back?

"You know when somebody hugs you you're supposed to hug back. It's only polite to do that. Dummy." Even though I wasn't looking I could feel him smiling.

"You sentimental brat," I said, but still did as he said. I wrapped my arms around him slowly, carefully, and gently.

This brat was changing me. He showed me that I am capable in comforting someone. I, a cold, heartless person that couldn't quite control his temper helped someone. I was being embraced by someone that wasn't Tiedoll or Marie or Lavi. It was the annoying little beansprout and I was hugging them back!

God, is this…Is this what I have been longing for? Have I wished for this? Is this my happiness?

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Fuck this. Fuck me. Fuck everything. This isn't what I want. I don't need this.

"Let's go." I let go of him then and he did the same. He grabbed his glove and walked over to me, smile still in his face.

"Ready to go Kanda?"

"Of course, Moyashi," I replied.

"My name is Allen, Bakanda!"

"Moyashi," was my response.

"ALLEN!"

I don't need this, right? I don't want this- whatever this is. Then why? Why do I find myself wanting more?

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><p><strong>Done! Please review and tell me what you guys think! Bye!<strong>


	8. The Day I Met You Was Like Any Other

**Well, I'm not dead! Thank you all for reading and for those who reviewed, you rock! Oh, by the way I will add Alma Karma in this story and also the Noah family. Alma will sort of be Allen's rival in this story….. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer = I don't own -Man! **

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><p><em>A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.<em>

_ -Chinese proverb_

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><p>I remember that meeting Mana hadn't been anything special. I had met him in Europe while working at a circus. I had been informed by the ringmaster that I had to serve him dinner and that was it. I would have never guessed that he would become one of the most important people in my life.<p>

_I saw the new clown crouched over to something in the ground. I walked over to him hesitantly. Trying not to cause attention towards myself, I walked as quietly as I could. I saw him gently petting the hair of a small dog. It was lying in a hole, his body covered in bruises and his eyes were closed._

"_Is he dead?" I asked._

"_He's dead," he answered as he turned to face me. His face was painted a pure white, the tip of his nose painted a deep red like his makeup he had on his lips went as far as to his cheeks and he had painted them into the form of a smile._

"_He's covered in bruises," he added and turned to face his dog once more._

_I had my hand in my pockets and I dug them in deeper in my shorts._ _I stood next to him watching the poor, broken body of his pet._

_His eyes forever closed, his heart forever quiet. The dog was now sleeping deeply and he wouldn't ever wake up. Not in this world, though. Maybe he would wake up in another. His body would remain buried in this soil, but his soul would go somewhere greater or maybe he would become part of it and he would make other things grow._

"_Cosimo probably did it," I told him. _

"'_Cause the audience likes you more than him," I said._

_The man had begun to push the dirt upon the dog while I was speaking. I ignore this and continued to talk. _

"_He hates when people are better than him. He's got no talent, except when it comes to stuff like this." _

_Cosimo was always the one I did my best to avoid. He was always very violent and you had to be cautious with him around. He teased me about my hair, scar, and my arm. I normally had my arm covered, but Cosimo was a sneaking snake and he found about it._

_I sat next to him as he continued to bury the dog. When he finished he placed a red ball with yellow stars in top of it._

"_He was an old dog. He wouldn't have lived much longer anyway," he explained to me._

"_It's all right," he said to me. It didn't seem like he was telling me that, more like he was trying to convince himself. He brushed his hands against each other to remove the dirt from his hands._

"_You're not gonna get revenge?"_

"_If I do that, I'll get out of here and won't get paid," he said and mumbled a short prayer for his dog._

_Ugh! I tilted my head in frustration. Was Cosimo going to get away for killing someone? Even though it was a dog he killed, the old man's dog still felt it. He still felt pain when Cosimo killed him. Like, I felt pain when he beat me. He suffered and I suffered, the only difference was that the poor pup was now not going to be hit by Cosimo again and I still was._

_When I didn't say anything he continued, oblivious of my annoyance, "I'm a newcomer, after all."_

"_After Christmas tomorrow, I'll move somewhere new..."_

"_I see."_

_I rested my head in my palm and sighed deeply._

"_Hmm? Who are you anyway?" he asked._

"_I do odd jobs around here….. I've brought you dinner before," I replied. I had been ordered by the Ringmaster of the circus to go take dinner to the new clown. I had gone and met him. I hadn't spoken to him; I only did what I had been told to do. He hadn't spoken to me either, just smiled when I brought him his food._

"_I have a bad memory for faces."_

_For some reason, I became annoyed by that. It kind of made me feel insignificant and I didn't want that. I wanted… I want… what do I want? Love? A Family? Do I need that or do I want that?_

_My parents had abandoned me. All the people I had met treated me badly. All those who saw my arm became disgusted with me._

"_Oh my! You're covered in bruises, too, aren't you?" He gasped. He placed his finger in his mouth and placed it in my bruised cheek. I felt his finger cold in my face as he began rubbing his saliva filled finger across my cheek._

"_Wah! Gross! Get your spit off me, dummy!" I hissed._

"_It's disinfectant," he argued with a sigh._

"_Did Cosimo beat you up?"_

"_Shut up!" _

_I don't want to remember. I don't wanna, so stop._

"_Don't you have any friends?"_

_No I don't. I don't have any. They have all rejected me, but will you want to be my friend? _

"_SHUT UP!"_

_I turned to face him, my eyes blazing, my teeth bared._

"_When I grow up," I began and cleared my throat before I continued. "I'm getting out of here as soon as I'm strong enough, so I don't need any friends."_

_He placed his hands across his face and squished them against his face making him look like a fish. I suppose it was meant to make me laugh, but it only brought me annoyance._

"_What're you doing?"_

"_You didn't think it was funny?" he asked incredulous._

"_Sorry, but I don't like clowns and stuff," I admitted. "In fact I hate 'em."_

"_Well, I hate crowds and kids that don't laugh," he grumbled._

"_Hmph!"_

_I turned my attention back to the pile of dirt that was the grave of the old man's dog._

"_Aren't…you gonna cry?"_

"_He lived with you for a long time, didn't he?" I asked. "Aren't you sad?"_

_He stood up and walked over to a tree. I watched him get a rope from his pocket. He tied a rope around one of its branches and then tied another knot against the other end of the rope and placed it across his neck. I watched him, confusion shown clearly in my eyes with a hint of fear in them._

"_So sad I could die."_

"_QUIT IT!" I screamed._

"_But I can't cry," he whispered as he removed the rope from his throat._

_He closed his eyes and sighed, all playfulness in his tone suddenly gone. "Maybe my tears are dried up. They just won't come."_

_I stared at his face that now seemed to age even more with his words. His eyes were still closed as if he was remembering of happy times._

"_What's up with that?" I huffed._

"_What… what was his name?" I asked him. I felt that I was asking him too many questions, but I couldn't stop myself from voicing them out._

"_He licked my hand yesterday. His tongue was warm."_

_My eyes began to sting and my vision became blurry, by my tears. I tried to blink them away but it only caused them to fall from my eyes. _

_I had been doing some jobs that the ringmaster had told me to do when I saw him. He had been playing with some children that were here to see the circus performance. They ran when they saw me and the dog came up to me and licked my hand, my left hand._

_It had felt nice and warm. He didn't ignore me and he showed me kindness. He became my friend. Even if he was an animal he wasn't as bad as humans were. He didn't treat me as badly as they did and they had the gift of intelligence. They were cruel and this dog wasn't. If only they could accept me as easily as he had done._

"_So how come I'm crying over him?" I sobbed._

_He didn't say anything and I let out everything I had inside. I cried for the poor dog. I cried for me and my loneliness, and my sadness. And I cried the tears that the old man couldn't cry for himself._

_The old man continued to see me as I continued to cry my heart out. He smiled and sat down beside me and took my hand in his and squeezed it gently._

"_My name is Mana Walker. What's your name?"_

"_Allen," I managed to say._

"_It's nice to meet you Allen."_

_And that is how it all began._

After that Mana had adopted me and taught me so many things. He gave me a family; he accepted me and my imperfections. And now Kanda accepted me too.

"_This doesn't bother me. This is a part of you and I accept it as such. I am not that cruel to say such things to you. I'm not like that. Beansprout, do not be ashamed of this arm. This doesn't change anything between us. You are Allen with this arm and you wouldn't be Allen without it. Got that, moron?"_

The rest of the day Kanda seemed to be annoyed at something the whole time. We had gotten to the Mercedes Outlets fairly quickly. The day had consisted of us shopping and sight- seeing. Daisya had gotten a new soccer ball and newest of cleats. Miranda had bought herself an antique grandfather clock. Marie had insisted that he would pay for it, but she refused. Kanda had gotten art materials from Tiedoll. Jerry bought himself a new set of cooking equipment and had tried getting me to get something for myself, but I kindly turned him down.

We arrived home by evening. The day was filled with laughter and we shared many stories. I had learned from Tiedoll that Kanda had a sword that had always been with him. He said that it had been the only thing his family had given to him before they had died. He also told me about how he had adopted Daisya and Marie, but their stories were about the same as Kanda's, with only minor differences. He didn't go into details about the subject but it was fine.

I started to talk about my school. I told him about Lenalee and my classes. I described every single detail I could remember about it. I told him what I liked about it and what I didn't like about it. Kanda and Lavi would be attending it with Lenalee and me after Christmas break. I even had a long chat with Miranda!

She was quite tense the whole time, but I had a great time speaking with her. She was really nice but had a very low self-esteem. She would apologize deeply if she thought she did or said something wrong. Miranda seemed to get on Kanda's nerves most of the time and Marie would have to calm her down and at the same time tried to tame Kanda's mood.

Kanda had gone up to my room and I followed him upstairs. He lied on the bed and closed his eyes. I sat at the other side of my bed and looked at my keyboard in the floor. A deep silence hung in the air. I was normally comfortable with silence, but I couldn't really stand the one we were having at the moment.

"Kanda is it true that you have a sword?" I already knew he did, but I just wanted to start a conversation. The silence was killing me. He didn't answer and I had come to the conclusion that he had fallen asleep or was ignoring me. But he suddenly whispered, "I do."

"Really, have you used it before?"

"Yes, I train with it."

"How long have you had it?"

"For as long as I can remember it has always been with me," he sighed. He sat up then and looked at me with his blue eyes that seemed to pierce my very being.

"Want to see it, Moyashi?" he asked with a smirk.

"The name's Allen, BaKanda. And yes I would like to see it," I answered.

He got up from the bed and told me to wait for him there. I sat in my bed waiting patiently for Kanda. I was actually happy that I had spoken to him about something, but thought it weird that he had actually agreed to show me anything at all.

Kanda came minutes after, holding something long and thin in his hands.

"This is a katana and it was named Mugen," he told me. He sat next to me and took it out of its sheath. The sword's blade glistened under the light of my room. The sword was fascinating, and it sort of fit Kanda's image.

Although, the thought of Kanda possessing such a dangerous object didn't seem as such a good idea and to be frank scared me a little it was all worthwhile.

His eyes seemed soften as he was showing me his sword. He began to tell me how these swords were typically used by Samurai's in feudal Japan.

He told me that it was forged with a steel called "Tamahagane", it consisted of combinations of hard, high carbon steel and tough, low carbon steel. He said that there was high carbon steel and low carbon steel that could both benefit the wielder of the katana. He said how having high amounts high-carbon steel is harder and able to hold a sharper edge than low-carbon steel, but it is was more brittle and may break while being used in combat. Having a small amount of carbon will allow the steel of the katana to be more malleable, making it able to absorb impacts without breaking but becoming blunt in the process. So he said that the makers tried to use them both.

He also explained that it must be well maintained, that it should always be in its sheath, but it had to be aired frequently to avoid rust and mold from forming. He also told me that the blade must remain well-oiled, powdered and polished. The natural moisture from the hands of the user will rapidly cause the blade to rust if not cleaned off properly.

I was fascinated that he had spoken to me so long without insulting me. He sounded happy to be talking about his sword and I was the most happy in hearing him talk.

He talked about so many things about the types of techniques he used, how he had learned them, and how Tiedoll had gotten permission to own the sword for him. During our talk we had laid down in the bed and we were facing each other. I asked questions from time to time about it and Kanda answered every single thing I asked. That made me happy.

He makes me happy. I didn't know how Kanda could know so much, but I was glad that he was sharing this with me. I was learning more about him. His eyes slowly began to close and his breath became slower.

"Moyashi," he said.

"Yes Kanda?"

"Now you know that if you piss me off Mugen will be at the tip of your throat," he whispered and with that he went to sleep leaving me fearing for my life and glancing to see the sword in Kanda's hand.

May god's divine protection be with me.

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><p><strong>Done! Thanks for reading and please review!<strong>


	9. The Never Ending Confusion

**New Chapter!Even though it's late, Merry Christmas! Thanks for reading and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own -Man.**

***This chapter will have both Allen's and Kanda's pov!***

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><p>"<em>Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. "<em>

_-Albert Einstein_

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><p>The days passed quickly with Kanda's family in Jerry's home. Kanda and I still fought in a regular basis and every little thing I did seemed to do, irked Kanda. Miranda was busy handling the wedding arrangements with Tiedoll, Jerry, and Marie. Daisya would play soccer outside and Kanda would practice with Mugen.<p>

The house seemed to emit pure joy, a happiness that seemed unreachable to someone like me. I have long lost the ability to be, completely, happy. My birthday was coming and Jerry always tried to make it special. It was the same day as Christmas and in that day was when my father died. It was the day when my whole life shattered, and I became numb.

The memory of that day is still fresh in my mind. The memory still lingers in my heart and it still pains me just as much as it did the year before, and the one before that, and so on.

Kanda would ignore me constantly and the only time we talked was when we fought. He made everything so hard to deal with. He brought out feelings that I have always fought to keep locked inside of me, but he, with him just being Kanda, made it harder for me to keep inside. His presence seemed to stir something within me to show him everything that made me myself. It confused me, it angered me, and it also scared me.

It confused me because it appeared that he didn't care of what happened to me. It angered me because he was making me think things I didn't want to think of, brought memories I didn't want to remember. It scared me because he did it without trying and he was making me lose my composure. I hated it, I know I do. And yet it brought something new with it.

I felt something, which had long been dormant, wake from within me. It was a feeling that I couldn't comprehend, no matter how much I tried. It would be as if trying to explain what colors were to a person who had been blind since birth, simply impossible.

I wondered if it would go away by time, but every day it seemed to get stronger. There would be a nauseous feeling in my stomach… it wasn't unpleasant, just weird.

When I was in his arms I felt such warmth, a warmth that only another human being could give. A warmth I felt that I had lost.

As he held me I was filled with strange emotions. I thought, "I want to be somebody important to him…. If only I could stay with him forever." Thoughts like that filled my heart and I found myself wishing for them to come true.

I wasn't a love- sick-girl to be feeling this way, but I still felt these feelings. I still desired these foolish things. I had only heard such things from Lenalee and I wondered why I felt them

Was it admiration? Was it respect? Or was it something different altogether?

I was lying down in my bed trying to read, but after reading the same sentence over and over again I set it down beside me. I sat up when a knock in the door was heard and the door opened to reveal a worried looking Jerry.

He stood by the door and was watching me silently.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, a frown in my face. He didn't answer and just sat down beside me. His face looked older, somehow. He had dark bags under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept well, and a frown had replaced the smile he always seemed to have.

"Jerry?" I called out to him, but he didn't seem to hear me.

I got a hold of his hand and squeezed it.

"Jerry, what's wrong?" I asked once more. He sighed and shook his head.

"I'm worried about you, that's all," he smiled.

"You don't have to be, I'm perfectly fine," I lied. I placed a smile in my face and patted his hand.

"Allen, don't you dare lie to me," he threatened.

"I'm not-"I began, but stopped when I saw the look Jerry gave me. I looked away from him with a sigh.

"I will be fine, Jerry," I said after a couple of moments of silence.

"I just want you to talk to me if something's wrong…"

"Is this about my birthday?" I sighed and looked back at him. He nodded and squeezed my hand.

"About Mana, right?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Then you don't have to worry,"

"Allen, we both know that isn't true."

"Jerry, I don't want to talk about Mana," I said.

"I know you don't, but I do," he argued.

"I know that his death was…. it caused you a lot of pain….but I just want you to know…I'm here for you Allen," he said. His breathing became heavy and tears came to his eyes.

I stared at him and what I saw made my heart clench. He had his head down and his whole body was shaking. Tears marred his face and his eyes seemed distant, lost in his thoughts. Jerry was never like this and it broke my heart to see it was because of me. I loved his cheerfulness…his silliness….and I never want him to lose that. I never wanted him to look the way he was now and especially if the cause of that was me.

I didn't know whether it was me or him who had moved, but I was in his arms. I patted his back and felt his tears, hot, on my neck.

"I just don't want you to bear that all by yourself. I love you, Allen. You are like the son I never had, and it breaks my heart when you don't tell me things. It makes me think that you don't need me."

"I'm sorry," Was the only thing I could say. I didn't allow myself to say more and even if I wanted to say more I wouldn't have been able to say more. The only thing I did was hold him tighter against myself, reassuring him that I was there for him.

We stayed like that until he stopped crying. He simply stood up, smiled, and left my room. I was filled with guilt and wanted to go and follow Jerry and tell him everything.

I wanted to tell him how I needed someone to be there, how much I needed him, but my pride forbidden me to do that. I wasn't that weak or maybe I was just lacking the courage to tell someone how I felt.

Since Mana died, I hadn't cried in front of anybody nor had I let my mask fall. Until, Kanda came and saw my arm. He did what nobody else had done in years and he did it only in a couple of days.

He had been the first person, in a long time, to have seen me cry. He saw the fear I had of people's reaction towards my left arm. He was able to break my façade and saw what was beneath it.

I closed my eyes and lied down in my bed. I begged for sleep to take over me. For it to come and take me somewhere I wouldn't think of Kanda or see crying faces or hear kind things.

Lenalee, Jerry, Komui, Tiedoll, Marie, the Noah family, even Kanda, were all so kind to me in their own way. I loved them all, but I had nothing to give them in return for that kindness. I hadn't allowed myself to get close to people, but all of them had practically sneaked their way in my heart.

With that I fell asleep to dream of my deceased father and of a world filled with gray skies and broken buildings. In a world where I was myself and I didn't have to hide my sadness.

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><p>Allen Walker might just make me lose my mind. He was breaking me, changing me, or maybe he was showing me who I truly was.<p>

I knew that when I grabbed his hand and showed him my anger, my desperation, my desire to comfort him, everything would change. I felt the change from within me and he probably felt it too, this overwhelming desire to be with him or not to be with him. To open myself to all this new emotions that now began to blur my thoughts, like a fog. These emotions that made me lose sight of who I was.

I tried to avoid him as much as I could since that day. I couldn't allow myself to fall deeper in this feeling. I trained with Mugen; I practiced a few techniques I had learned while I was in Kendo. I practiced every day and I ignored the Moyashi. The only time we talked was when we argued and I wanted it to keep it that way. I had to keep it that way.

I knew that something was going on with that Moyashi. As each day passed and we got closer to Christmas his eyes began to darken day by day.

I pretended not to care. I tried not to care, but it was a failed attempt. I found myself thinking about him more and more.

I became mad bi this. I was angry with myself, not the Moyashi. I was mad for thinking of him, for getting too attached to him, for wanting to know more about him. I was mad for him not being as the others. I hated that he was not insignificant in my eyes. I hated that he was different to me.

I wanted to hate him, but I just couldn't. He annoyed me, but who didn't annoy me? I wanted more.

I wanted him to stop with the fucking lies. I wanted him to show me everything. He was forcing his way in my life or maybe I was.

I went upstairs to his room and found him sleeping in his room. I set Mugen beside the bed and sat by him. I grabbed the book that was beside him and place it on the shelf. I then turned to him again and watched him silently.

I watched the rise and fall of his chest. How his lips were slightly parted and how he clenched and unclenched his hands.

My hand reached up towards him, but I stopped myself before I made contact with his skin. I lied by him and closed my eyes. I sighed and waited for sleep to come. I suddenly felt him shift closer to me. I felt his face in my back and his hands clenched in my shirt. I tried to shrug him off, but he only gripped tighter like he had done with my hair once.

I simply let him stay there, no longer having the desire to move him, and fell asleep.

Wondering if I was going to fall deeper into him, deeper in this sinful desire.

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><p><strong>Next chapter will be out soon. Please review and tell me how I'm doing! Any comments are appreciated!<strong>

**Also before I forget, next chapter will be about Allen's birthday so if you want me to add something please tell me! :'(**


	10. Overwhelming Feelings

**New chapter! Thank you for reading, as always, and for those who reviewed thank you! Thanks Kihlia! I will check up on my mistakes and I will fix them, but I am only human. This is my first time writing in Fan fiction, so any advice you can give me will be appreciated!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own -Man! T-T **

I breathed in and out, slowly. Filling my lungs with oxygen with each breath I took. The cold night air hit my bare skin, but I did not tremble. This no longer affected me. Nothing ever did seem to affect me like it should.

I had grown to ignore things around me, to avoid any problems if I got too attached. Now thanks to a certain beansprout, my mind is in chaos.

My desires were probably moved by curiosity alone, or maybe it was just him that drew such feelings from me.

I couldn't stop thinking about him. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I couldn't ignore his existence. I knew that I felt something change inside me for the fucking beansprout. There was really no point in denying that he perked my interest, that he made me want to discover the unknown.

He was the first to make me feel something. Made me desire things I know that I shouldn't -couldn't- want, but wanted them all the same. I longed for such foolish things.

I never felt this and I became immensely bothered that I didn't know what was going on. I, for once, was completely clueless to what I was feeling. I was always in control, and now I wasn't.

And I fucking hated it. I felt tired of thinking the same tiresome thoughts over and over again. And in every single time never being able to decipher what it was, never being able to comprehend it.

I had never been this challenged to discover something in my life. I had never really been interested in the world.

I had always been good at everything I did. I was good at school without really trying. Sports were no difference. Nothing ever did seem to challenge me. I just did them and I was good at it. Nor did something really did seem to interest me or was there something I truly desired to be.

I had always felt that my life was empty. It had no importance.

No girl had ever interested me. I had never dated before, but, according to Lenalee, I was very popular with the opposite sex. The more they tried to get close to me, the colder I seemed to become with them. Their attraction to me was superficial, they didn't really love me. My looks were what brought them to me, not me.

And I came to hate everything and everybody. I think that is why I became this way, not that I cared. My life-no, I- became empty.

I figured I just do whatever benefited me and live my life until death came for me. I had never feared death once in my life. It was just as if you would be asleep; except your heart would be silent and your eyes will forever be remained closed.

My life could be seen as a book with no plot, boring. It wouldn't be missed if one day it disappeared. The memory of Yu Kanda would, one day, cease to exist.

_What would await me after that day?_

I began to wonder if it was as those questions that always crossed your mind, but could just never be answered or they never had a clear answer to it. Answers that didn't make sense and they made you lose your composure.

They were things that I have never given much thought, what was after death being one of them. I limited myself from thinking such stupidities, knowing that I would just waste my time in trying to find answers to them.

But now I had many questions. Many doubts now I held that confused me.

Questions that questioned your being, Questions that challenged your knowledge, it made me feel intrigued and made me feel incapable of answering them.

And their answers were just unexplainable. They were as breathtaking as the moonlight and as destructive as fire.

He introduced me to a world of endless possibilities. A world that was full of colors. It was a place that wasn't ever meant to be discovered by somebody as cruel as myself. Someone so tainted by life, but it still did.

The Moyashi was capable of changing people's way of living; he broke me out of my dichotomous way of thinking.

I had always believed that either something was black or white, that the answer to questions was either a yes or no. He showed me that something doesn't have to necessarily fit those categories.

He showed me variety.

He showed me how to feel.

It angered me, but fascinated me, just as much.

And he probably didn't even know that he was capable of such. He is a stupid beansprout after all.

And maybe, it's fucking possible that I won't be able to stop this from consuming me entirely. The thing that bothers me the most is that there is a part of me that wants it to happen.

However, I'm not that weak, and I refuse to give in so easily.

"Aren't you cold?"

I snapped my head upright at the sound of a voice. I saw a pair of curious gray eyes. For a moment I couldn't breathe. There was a small pain in my chest.

"No, I'm not cold."

He nodded and asked, "May I ask why you're here?"

"It's none of your business, Moyashi," I said.

"It's Allen, Bakanda! And you don't seem to be doing anything," he said.

"Shouldn't you be there celebrating, with the rest of them?" I asked, annoyed.

"I am not really fond of parties," he answered, twirling his hair in his fingers. "Kanda?"

"What?"

"Can you come take a walk with me?" he asked.

"No."

"Why not?" he asked.

"I'm not fond of walks," I said, smirking.

"Ha Ha, very funny," he said as he rolled his eyes. "Come, let's go."

"Go bother someone else, sprout. I'm busy."

"How is sitting out in the cold being busy? Kanda, you really should just accept my request and come with me for a walk."

"I said no."

"Old grump," he muttered. "Fine, if you don't want to take a walk with me, I'll accompany you in your pointless activity."

With that he sat beside me, his leg touching mine.

"I'm meditating sprout."

"With your shirt off?" he asked, incredulously. "If you haven't noticed it's below ten degrees."

"I already told you, I'm not cold."

"Are you a narcissist?" he asked, smiling.

"What?" I asked, my hands twitching.

"Oh, you know a person who is in love with himself."

"Why you little-" I began but was interrupted by a loud, "YUUUUU-CHAAAN!"

Lavi. Fuck, its Lavi.

I grabbed my jacket and put it on.

"Bean, come on let's go."

"But isn't that Lavi? Shouldn't you go with him?"

"Do you want to go for a damn walk, yes or no?" I asked, glancing at the door.

"Well, yes, but-"

"But nothing, come on," I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him up.

I broke into a run, the bean trailing behind me. His hand still in mine, the only thing warm in the night.

"Kanda, where are we going?" I heard him ask.

I didn't answer him. I concentrated in going forward. There was no way in hell I was going back to be with that moron.

"Kanda?"

"Shut it, sprout."

**I will have the next chapter out soon. I took very long to update because my laptop stopped working. I am so very sorry that it took so long. Thanks for reading!**


	11. The much needed Comfort

I have always been a dreamer. I constantly found myself in another world, fighting off monsters and saving the weak. I created new worlds, and I may have destroyed some as well. I have always had that gift. I was longing for another chance. I waited for something that would never come. Each day that longing would increase, and it would never leave me. So, I began to live waiting for my dream world to appear, for it to provide the shelter I needed.

Mana was that for me, but not everything lasts forever. I soon lost him and that longing came back to me.

After that I grew to distance myself from others once more. I didn't want them to worry for me. I didn't need their words of sympathy. I needed Mana, but he left me.

Loving people was such a hard thing to do. You constantly fear them leaving you. I chose to be alone to save me the trouble. However, many approached me and I was always nice and polite as Mana told me I should be. I didn't like any who came to me though. They weren't enough for me is what I always thought. Only Mana, only Mana, Mana.

Cross had simply said that Mana had spoiled me. Cross was the only one I could actually trust. He didn't treat me as the others did. He didn't give me kind words. He didn't lie. He told you what he actually meant.

"You can't constantly have people babying you. No one is going to last forever, idiot. So just live. Live like there is no tomorrow. Do that and you'll be the happiest man on earth," said Cross one night. He had been out all day and had left me in the hotel room in Downtown.

We had stayed there because Cross said there was a pretty little lady a couple of blocks down that he had "business" with.

Cross was what Aunt Lulu Bell said was a life sucker. "A man with no worries and no responsibilities," is what she'd always say.

But I liked that Cross was like that. He'd leave me alone and I didn't have to fake something I was not. I would spend days waiting in our room waiting for Cross to return from his daily visits to the bar. I would never go hungry though. Cross always made sure there was food within my reach. The days would be long and unbearable, with nothing to do all day. I found reading as my salvation from this. I began to read anything we had lying around our apartment. Cross would find me reading the daily newspaper or reading the directions on how to work the washer when he came back.

A woman accompanying Cross saw this too and in her next visit she brought me several books to read.

"A boy like you shouldn't be reading all the time. Do something better."

"I don't see why he should. If Allen likes it, its fine," his lady companion told him. She was sitting in his lap with her arms around his neck. "You like it, don't you?" she asked me with a smile in her face.

"I do," I told her and received a wink at my answer. And I truly did love it. I loved to see how the story would unfold in the turning of each page. How everything was described in perfect detail. Even the littlest thing held such importance to the writer. It distracted me, and sent me to a world where I didn't have to worry about my troubles. It was my escape.

Cross later on taught me the art of gambling and its importance. "We need this to survive, brat. You must learn the beauty that is poker."

"Poker?" I had asked.

"Yes, poker. You see you have to learn all. You must know the best tricks. You know all those men who come after me?"

"Yes."

"You must learn so that we can escape them."

And I learned. We spent several afternoons with him teaching me everything. He showed me how to hide the cards in my sleeve, how to make sure to use the without being seen. He wanted me to be an as good as he was, and I was.

We lured off all of the debt collectors. We moved constantly because of them. We'd settle somewhere in the city, preferably the ghetto. Cross needed to be close to some booze and quick access to some female company.

This was my life for a couple of months until Cross told me we would be parting ways and I met Jerry. We spent several days with Jerry in his home. Jerry was different from Cross. He would spend his days in the kitchen baking all kinds of sweets. I would sit in the Kitchen counter seeing Jerry bake and hear his endless stories of Jerry's youth. H e would say that every dish he made was like an art piece. Every ingredient had its importance. "Anything can happen," He said, "so when you cook something, give it your undivided attention, hon."

Then came the time when Cross left me with Jerry. I didn't cry nor did I feel sad. I knew that my stay with him wouldn't be permanent. I was glad to actually settle down somewhere.

And know even more. I am truly glad that Cross decided to leave me here with Jerry.

In life many things may be considered sweet or bitter. They may be new and sensational or just unpredictable. They come and sweep you out of your feet. They shock you by their suddenness.

This was Kanda, a being full of surprises and mysteries.

He was an unexplainable event. He made me feel something that I never had felt before. It was a tingling sensation that coursed through my body. A very nice feeling that you couldn't get enough of and you wouldn't have wanted it to ever end. It was something that delighted me to no end, but it also brought up a lot of fear in my already broken heart.

The fear of being rejected by him or for him to one day hate brought my heart to clench painfully in my chest.

I wonder if he felt it too; this warmth that spread throughout your whole chest or the feeling of uneasiness in your stomach.

I couldn't picture him being captivated by my eyes as I was of his, or him being delighted by the mere sound of my voice. Or him getting that strange feeling in your stomach that I get when I'm close to him. His touch made my heart beat faster and my throat go dry.

He still had my hand in his and was silently leading me through the neighborhood. My chest tightened as he held my hand-my deformed arm. One of the things which set me apart from everybody else he held with no disgust.

"_This doesn't bother me. This is a part of you and I accept it as such. I am not that cruel to say such things to you. I'm not like that. Bean sprout do not be ashamed of this arm. This doesn't change anything between us. You are Allen with this arm and you wouldn't be Allen without it. Got that, moron?" _

It was amazing to me that he didn't mind it. Everybody else had always seen me different when they saw my arm, but not Kanda. He didn't treat me with any kind of sympathy. He treated me like anybody else.

I still didn't understand why he had so suddenly decided to come take a walk with me, not that I minded for that matter.

I didn't know where we were going, and I guess that I didn't mind that too. I was glad that I was outside with Kanda, just me and him together. I didn't understand why Kanda's presence to me was so soothing. His presence made everything seem better.

He made all the hopeless thoughts go away. All of my fears and doubts seem insignificant when I think of what he would say. His eyes seem to tell you everything. He was everything that I ever wanted to be-Strong, independent, wise, etc.

I was remotely comfortable with the silence, but Kanda seemed not to be. His face was set in a frown and his shoulders were tense. I chose to speak to distract him from whatever it was that was causing him unhappiness.

"Kanda, as happy that I am that you agreed to take a walk with me, where are we going?" I asked. He stopped and said, "Does it matter, sprout?"

"You don't answer a question with a question Kanda."

"Oh, shut it sprout."

"Bakanda, my name is Allen, not bean sprout. Do you want me to spell it out for you?" I said, smiling.

"No, I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. Don't force yourself to think," he said as he turned around to face me.

I frowned and muttered, "Meanie."

"I've never been so insulted in my whole life," said Kanda, his voice full of sarcasm.

"I can fix that you know," I hissed. I had the urge to snatch my hand away, but I didn't want to do it as well. I didn't mind that we were this close to each other. I liked knowing that he was this close to me. He didn't seem to mind our closeness either, and for that I couldn't stop the smile that spread through my face.

We continued to walk until we reached a small park. The park only had a couple of swings and a small playground area. It had been made just recently for the kids in the neighborhood. It was usually full, but at the moment it was vacant with the exception of Kanda and me.

Kanda let me through it and sat me at the bench overlooking the whole park. He then let go of my hand, and I had to resist the urge from grabbing it again. I felt content, however, when he sat by me.

It was strange that I felt this for him. I was never this calm and collected around this time of the year. It was pleasing to know that he was sitting by me, but what was really pleasurable was that tingling sensation I got in my stomach.

I figured it might have been his eyes or his unwavering strength that reeled me in. I wasn't like this. I know that I am not usually like this. I wanted to be someone to him, a friend that he could count on. It wasn't about making Lenalee happy anymore.

I wanted this.

"Bean, what's wrong with you?" I heard him ask.

"How should I know, Kanda?" I answered.

"You don't answer a question with a question, sprout."

I smiled at this; I couldn't help not to.

"What would you like to know then, BaKanda?" I asked, smile still in place.

He scooted closer to me and whispered, "Everything."

I turned to face him and found his face inches away from mine. The world seemed to stop as he looked at me and his eyes, his beautiful cobalt eyes, staring at me intently. I found that I couldn't move nor could I turn away from his gaze.

I wanted him to keep looking at me. I wanted to be someone important to him. I wanted to be someone that he couldn't get enough of. It wasn't the first time that I had been overwhelmed by such thoughts, but now I felt them even more potent.

"Why are you so sad?" he asked.

"You want to know more about me Kanda?"

"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't want to know, sprout."

"It's a long story."

"Then start talking," he said.

"Alright then," I said. I smiled and reached for his hand. He looked at me puzzlingly and I merely said, "To give me some courage, Kanda."

"Yeah, whatever," he snorted and squeezed my hand making my heart beat faster. I chose to look at his hands and began:

"I have never really been a happy child. I have never considered myself as a normal being. I have always been a dreamer, I believe. I constantly found myself in another world, fighting off monsters and saving the weak. I created new worlds, and I may have destroyed some as well. I have always had that gift. I was longing for another chance. I waited for something that would never come. Each day that longing would increase, and it would never leave me. So, I began to live waiting for my dream world to appear, for it to provide the shelter I needed. It never came, you see. It would leave me feeling unwanted. I was abandoned by my parents because of my deformed arm. I was given to several people in my childhood until I grew tired of it and began living on my own. I was able to get several small jobs to keep me from starving. It was until I came to work at a small traveling circus. That is where I met the person who changed my life."

"Mana Walker was his name," I said, before I wouldn't have liked talking to this to anyone. I was a very proud person and didn't like to show my emotions so easily, even to this day I'm still like that. I have always considered that such acts were only for the weak. And I was by no means a weak person.

"Our meeting was an unexpected one. He came to work in the same circus I was working for. That is how I met him. I've saw him when I was sent to give out food to all the members of the circus. Our first meeting wasn't what changed everything. It was our second."

As I spoke, I remembered that day, the cold weather, Mana's face, and his dog lying in the ground. "He had been burying his dead dog and the conversation we had that day changed everything. He came to know about my life. It was….my new beginning. He was the family that I longed for."

My sight became blurred and my hand squeezed Kanda's."But not all things last. Mana was diagnosed with Alzheimer disease years after we had come to be together. He slowly came to lose it. We had been with his family. You've seen the pictures in the house, right?" Kanda nodded and I continued along.

"Those are his relatives. Mana couldn't stand being taken care of. He longed to be as free as he once was, but my uncles never allowed him. He wouldn't have listened to them before, but they made him see that he wasn't alone anymore. I was there, and since he became my adoptive father he held responsibility for me. I was the one that kept him trapped."

My tears had longed fallen out from my eyes, but I continued to speak.

"Mana was terrified in forgetting anything. It drove him mad. I was a child, and I didn't know what caused my father so much pain. He was…he became to distance himself from me. In the day of my birthday, he came to my room and he held me just like he had done before. He told me that everything would be fine, and I slept with him embracing me. He sang me my favorite lullaby, and I truly did believe everything was going to be fine. I thought that everything was going to be like it used to be, but Mana had stopped breathing at some time in the night."

Everything of that night still haunted me. It still chilled me to the bone. My hands began to tremble and I was sure that if I would have been standing I would have fallen because my legs were also shaking.

"He left me all alone. How leaving me could have been better? How did he leave me with no consideration to my feelings? He chose the easy way out! He would always tell me to 'Keep walking forward, don't stop!' Yet he chose to give up and leave me!" I yelled, my breathing coming out in small, painful breaths, my heart pounding by the lack of air.

"I needed-"I continued, but was interrupted my Kanda when he pulled me towards him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him. I felt his heart beating hard in his chest and I wondered if he could feel mine as well.

"I think he didn't want you to see him that way," he said as he moved his hands against my hair, his chin resting at my head. "When people get that disease it's very painful for their families because they slowly see their loved ones forget everything, and Mana didn't want that, and it was probably the only way he thought to escape that. Don't hold such feelings anymore. In the end, they will only hurt you."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked.

"I'm not, but wouldn't you rather think that way."

"I don't understand," I said as I clutched his jacket.

"I didn't expect you to. But try to see it this way, wouldn't you rather believe that he chose to take away the pain of you ever seeing him in such a bad state or him just not caring about you and only considering his own feelings?"

When I said nothing he continued, "Think that he didn't want you to suffer by seeing him slowly lose it."

"What if I choose to believe that and I would only be lying to myself? Wouldn't I be living a lie just to give relief to my feelings?"

"You truly are an idiot, aren't you?" he sighed. He pulled my chin and made me look at him in the eyes.

"Just stop torturing yourself and be happy. Leave that in the past, and move forward. Choose to believe in Mana. In what he gave you when he was alive. Choose to remember him for all the good things he gave you. Have some faith in him, stupid bean sprout."

"Is it really that simple?" I asked still looking at him in the eyes. He smiled at me and said, "I don't see why it can't be sprout."

I rested my head once more in his chest, tears still in my eyes. I have never felt so at peace with myself. We staid several minutes like this. Me in Kanda's arms sitting in that park bench.

"Bean," I heard Kanda say. I looked up to see his face, and Kanda used this opportunity to kiss me in my forehead.

I felt my heart stop. His lips were soft and warm against my skin.

He let me go then, and stood up. "Isn't it your birthday, sprout? Come and wipe those tears off your face and let's go celebrate your damn birthday."

My chest was full of warmth and my heart had begun to beat loudly in my chest. _Thump, thump, thump, thump._ "I'm sixteen today, Kanda. That's sad."

Kanda looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"I'm growing old," I said. To my surprise Kanda laughed.

"What was so great about being fifteen anyways?" he asked.

That I found you, I thought. But I didn't say anything and just smiled at him. He began to walk forward to the house with me trailing behind him.

"Thank you, Kanda."

He snorted and said, "What? Gonna cry again bean sprout?"

"No!"

"Really now?" he teased.

"Shut up, Bakanda!" I yelled, but he just smirked and continued walking with me by his side back home.

**Hello everyone! My sincere apologies in taking so long to update! But I'm back and I will update sooner. Hope you enjoyed reading and please review if you have anything to say about my writing. Reviews make me happy, no bad comments please. My heart can't take them. :D **


	12. I love you, but i'm not worthy of you

**Hello lovely human beings! I am terribly sorry that I couldn't upload anything, but school can be such a pain! I hope you guys can forgive me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, so stop reminding me!**

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><p>I hate this. I hate it so much. I lay awake with Allen at my side sleeping peacefully. I looked at him as a flow of feelings penetrated my heart.<p>

I love this person, I thought. Love was such a foreign concept to me, but I knew that I loved the Bean sprout. I knew it when I saw him cry. I knew it because my heart seemed to stop abruptly at the sight of his tears, and it made me quell with anger to all those who would dare make him cry.

I reached up to stroke his face. I touched his cheeks, his eyelids, and then his lips. So soft, so fragile that I could easily break him.

I could hurt him if I wanted to, but I only wished to embrace him gently in my arms and never let go.

And this was what I hated. I wasn't meant to love. I… I am not meant for him. I can't be.

He is everything I am not. He's kind, beautiful, and bright. I am just a shadow to his light. A mere hindrance is what I am.

This was so unlike me! I could face anything! Anything at all! However when it happens to be something about this idiotic Bean sprout, I can't do a thing.

"Why are you doing this to me, stupid Bean sprout?" I asked out loud. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled his sweet scent.

Fuck it. Fuck it all.

"Damn it."

Why are you being so cruel to me, God? It would have been better that I hadn't met him at all. It would have been better. Things would have been so much better.

If I was someone more like him, it might have been possible, but I wasn't and it killed me.

I could never be like him. I wasn't as kind. I pushed people back when he pushed them him. He smiled when I frowned. He laughed as I cursed. He loved when I hated. Polar opposites, yet I fell for him. I fell rapidly and entirely. _Like a fool._

"Kanda?" I heard a voice ask.

"Marie, what are you doing awake?" I asked. I released Allen from my hold and threw my sweater on and walked towards Marie with a frown marring my face.

"I couldn't sleep and was wondering if you wanted to take a walk?"

"What if I was asleep, Marie? What would you have done then?" I asked as I put on my combat boots.

"But you weren't, Kanda?" he said with a smile.

"Get moving already."

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><p>"Such a nice night we're having today."<p>

"You've always liked nights like this, Marie." He had always enjoyed nights of the full moon. When there were no clouds in the sky, only an endless amount of stars.

"There is a certain feel to them that I love," he said, "Kanda there is no need to hide it."

I stopped abruptly and he followed suit.

"Fuck you Marie." He knew, damn bastard.

"It's Allen who has you this way, isn't it?" he asked and frowned as I clenched my fists.

"How did you know? Better yet, when did you know?"

"You have been acting differently Kanda. At first I thought it was the sudden move, but then I realized that it was Allen himself that was changing you."

"Fuck," I muttered.

"Fuck indeed," he chuckled. I looked up and saw him smiling kindly at me. "I told you that you're time would come, didn't I?"

"Why him?" I asked.

"Kanda, you don't choose who you love. You just love."

"I'm not good enough for him, Marie." I began walking again and stopped when Marie said, "That's what I thought myself when I met Miranda."

"What the hell are you saying?" I asked and Marie gripped my shoulders.

"I didn't think I was worth Miranda's love for me. I still don't. I'm blind, Kanda. What future could I possibly provide for her? She deserves someone better than me, someone so much better than me."

"What the hell?"I asked as he gripped my shoulders even more tightly in his hold. I was shocked at his behavior. Marie had to be the most calm, cold headed person I knew, yet here he was unfolding himself to me.

"Kanda it's all right to be scared."

"I'm not scared, idiot. I'm just being realistic. He won't love someone like me." And it was true as much as it fucking hurt.

"No," he said and I placed my hands a top of his, releasing myself from his iron-like grip.

"You are scared Kanda- scared of rejection, of losing. You are scared just like I was!"

I pushed him away from me. Anger filling me up completely, I yelled at him, "I'm not some weakling Marie! I don't fucking need your damn love advice! I didn't ask for it, so just shut up!"

"Everyone is weak in love, Kanda."

"Marie, I'm warning you- shut up now."

"And then what, Kanda?" he questioned, his hands shaking. "Pretend that I don't know anything and watch you torture yourself!"

"It's none of your business, Marie," I said.

"You are being too hard on yourself and that's okay, Kanda, but what isn't okay is that you are doubting your worth."

I walked towards him, rage coursing through my veins and gripped his shirt.

"Shut up," I hissed.

"Tell him, Kanda. Tell him you're feelings."

"I said to shut up."

"Kanda!"

Why is he here? I turned and there he was, Allen. Behind him was Tiedoll looking at us sadly.

"Moyashi," I whispered. He looked at Tiedoll and nodded. Tiedoll nodded back and smiled at him. Allen then ran to me and grabbed my hands that were still clenched around Marie's shirt. He took them away and held them in his hands.

"Let's go Marie," Tiedoll said and led Marie back home, not turning back even once.

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><p>I was scared when I had seen Kanda so close to hitting Marie. His eyes had this wild look on them. His eyes that I loved so much were blinded by rage and pain.<p>

And all that I could think of was that I needed to get close to him.

"Kanda," I whispered and he didn't look at me. He was shaking from anger at whatever Marie had told him.

"What are you doing here, bean?" he asked after a couple of minutes.

"I was worried because you suddenly weren't there anymore and then I saw Tiedoll. He told me that you and Marie had gone out for a walk, and we then decided to look for you when you took so long. And we found you like that Kanda."

"Did you hear?" he asked.

Huh? Hear what, but I couldn't say anything more because he turned his face and looked at me intently. He reached for me and my heart skipped a beat. He took a hold of my face and I felt my cheeks grow hot as he looked at me.

"Kanda?" I asked and was silenced when I felt a pair of warm lips touch mine. I tensed up immediately at the feel of them.

Time seemed to stop at that moment. Everything else seemed to disappear, and the only thing left was Kanda and I. And Kanda had his lips on mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him where I felt his heartbeat pounding in his chest. It was beating as fast as mine was.

What I did next was a surprise to me. I wrapped my arms around his strong shoulders, and kissed him back. He bit my lips and I gasped at the feel of his tongue as he pushed it in my mouth.

I closed my eyes and simply felt as his lips moved against mine.

I broke it off when the need for oxygen was too much. Kanda held me silently watched as I gasped for air.

Without removing his arms around me he kissed my forehead, and said, "Take responsibility."

"Huh?"

"Take responsibility for what you have done to me."

"For what?" I asked as I lowered his face, so I could see his dark cobalt eyes.

"For making me fall for you."


	13. I'll take responsibility!

**Hi guys! I give you another chapter. I want to give a thanks to the people who reviewed (I loved them. Thanks!), the people who are now following my story and those who added this story to their favorites. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!**

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><p>I stood there frozen to the ground. I couldn't move a muscle, and I found it difficult to breathe. My heart was beating frantically in my chest. <em>Thump. Thump. Thump<em>.

He removed his arms around me after a couple of seconds of silence. He turned away from me and sighed.

"What do you mean?" I asked hesitantly. My voice was raspy as I asked him. My throat felt dry all of a sudden and I really wanted a glass of water at the moment. I stood my ground and I saw Kanda rub his temples in annoyance.

"I like you, idiot."

"What kind of like?" I asked, fearing for the answer. I didn't want anything to change between us. Even though we had spent a small amount of time together, I already cared for Kanda deeply. I didn't think I was worthy of him.

"Isn't it obvious, Moyashi? I like you as a man likes a woman."

"I'm not a girl."

"I know that, but I like you all the same."

My heart was at bliss. My cheeks were set aflame and him staring at me wasn't helping. My hands were shaking slightly, but I couldn't accept it. Why would he like me? Me of all people. I knew that Kanda could get anyone he wanted. His mere presence was enough to stop anyone in their tracks. I wasn't anything of the sort.

I wasn't as beautiful as he was or as eye-catching. I was an outcast. I had lived like that all my life and now he just comes and tells me I wasn't. He said my left arm didn't disgust him or that my hair wasn't as weird as I thought it was.

"I can't...I mean...I-"

"I get it. I'm sorry I kissed you. It won't happen again. Forget that this ever happened,"He said as he once again turned from me.

No, that's not what I meant.

"_I will be staying here a while Moyashi."_

Kanda please….

"_Disgusting, isn't it?"_

"_It's not disgusting, brat."_

"_You're a liar."_

"_I'm not lying."_

Don't go. You make me so happy.

"_This doesn't bother me. This is a part of you and I accept it as such. I am not that cruel to say such things to you. I'm not like that. Bean sprout do not be ashamed of this arm. This doesn't change anything between us. You are Allen with this arm and you wouldn't be Allen without it. Got that, moron?" _

You accepted me for what I was.

He was walking away from me now. Tears began to well up in my eyes as he left.

"_Old grump."_

"_Glutton."_

My legs began moving forward. I needed to reach him. I felt that if I didn't, it would be the end of me. Of us. Of this unknown feeling.

"_Why are you so sad?" _

"_You want to know more about me Kanda?"_

"_I wouldn't be asking if I didn't want to know, sprout."_

"_It's a long story."_

"_Then start talking."_

I can't stand it. This pain in my chest was overwhelming me. It was consuming me. Kanda!

"_Don't hold such feelings anymore. In the end, they will only hurt you."_

You listened to me. I opened up my heart to you. I think that I already do love you.

_"He left me all alone._"

I don't want to lose what's important to me anymore. I can't lose you like I did with Mana.

"_Thank you, Kanda."_

"_What gonna cry again bean sprout?"_

"_No!"_

"_Really now?" _

"_Shut up, Bakanda!"_

I began to run. I ran as fast as I could. I had to reach him.

"_Take responsibility."_

"_Huh?"_

"_Take responsibility for what you have done to me."_

"_For what?" _

"_For making me fall for you."_

"I'll take responsibility!"

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><p>I stopped immediately. I turned and felt him crash into me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my chest. I felt warm droplets soaking my shirt, and I knew he was crying.<p>

"I'll take responsibility, so don't leave." He was shaking furiously.

"Moyashi, what are you-"

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was confused, and I was sure you were just messing with me because look at you, Kanda. You and I are extremely different."

You can probably have anyone you want, yet here you are confessing to me. It seems unbelievable. I'm probably way out of your league, yet you chose me out the whole world population."

"You chose me."

I laughed out loud, and he stared up at me with fear evident in his eyes. I quickly embraced him and laughed more.

"We're idiots, Moyashi."

"Huh?"

"Here we are, worrying about the same things. I haven't ever felt this feeling in my life, sprout. Don't expect me to love you as any other man would, but I'll try my best show you how much I love you."

"Kanda?" he asked as I held on to him a little tighter.

"I'll make you fall in love with me," I promised.

"I don't think you need to try too hard, you know."

"Moyashi?"

"I think that I have already fallen for you, so don't hurt me Kanda. Or you'll regret it."

"I wouldn't dare," I said.


	14. Newly formed bond

**Hello everyone! Happy Holidays! Well here is another chapter that I have finally completed. I feel It's quite pointless, but I felt the need to write it. Thanks for the beautiful reviews I received for Chapter 12 and 13. I could just kiss you all in gratitude! **

**I don't know what I can say to express what you guys made me feel as I received such nice comments on this story. I love you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own -Man.**

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><p>Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I focused on this simple activity and blocked out all the other sounds in the air. The noise was irritating me, but what doesn't? However, that isn't the point-back to the task at hand. Inhale. Exhale. In-<p>

"YU!"

Shit…

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my neck and felt my resolve shatter. I maneuvered my body out of his grasp and delivered a punch at the direction I had just escaped from. I heard a soft thud that was then followed by a deep groan.

I smirked at the sight of Lavi at the ground grasping his nose as he looked at me accusingly.

"You asked for it, baka Usagi."

"I was just showing my deep and sincere affection, Yu!" he whined as he rose to his feet.

I growled at him. I dusted myself off and walked back inside Moyashi's home. My house was still being constructed and, at the slow pace it was being made, it would take a long time before it was finally completed. After that, it might take even more time at moving in, not that I wanted to leave.

Moyashi was here. I didn't want to sound as some love-sick fool, but since he was here I was content. I was happy-happier than I've been in years.

It still shocked me that I was slowly being changed. It was as if I was being shaped entirely anew. I wasn't as upset as I was before. I came to accept the change I was going through. I didn't plan to give up myself entirely though; there were bits of myself that couldn't be changed.

Allen had accepted me with all of my flaws and virtues as I had done with his. But Moyashi didn't seem to have any flaws. He was the perfect example of what everyone should aim to be: kind, polite, and sensitive.

Well, he was insecure with himself, and I wasn't planning on letting him fucking belittle himself at every opportunity he got.

He was stupid at times when his kindness got the best of him. He's also annoying when he talks too much. Or when he scolds me when I don't let Tiedoll hug or kiss me.

Lavi began babbling some nonsense about frogs as he walked next to me. After the long years, I knew the idiotic rabbit I had learned that he had the tendency to speak about things that weren't normally discussed in a normal conversation.

He would breech all sorts of topics: important history events, new scientific facts, animal's structures and metabolisms- anything that he deemed to be interesting or beneficial to know.

Of course I didn't know how talking about frogs was going to help in anything, but here he was just talking. And damn, he talked too much.

Shut the fuck up already.

"It was so strange to see it, Yu. You couldn't believe its size and…"

Shut up….

"…it was simply breathtaking…."

"Boys! We need help setting up!" Lenalee called as she stood by the open doorway. She had her hands in her hips and motioned us forward.

She shivered slightly as a breeze of cold air blew and she gasped. She brought her hands together and blew hot air to them. She tapped her foot impatiently as we, in her mind, took so long and went back inside where I could hear Marie's soft laugh.

My stomach churned at the sound. Marie and I had not spoken to each other in days since the night we had gone for a walk.

He had sought to speak with me several times, but I had looked for reasons to avoid being caught alone with him.

I was still angry at Marie's sudden interference into something that didn't concern him. It irked me that he had stood up to me. I hated being defied and especially by him. Marie had normally would have left me alone at times like that. He would provide me some space to think things through when no one else did. He knew that was what I liked to do. It was how I solved things- alone. And when he had just interfered in that, it fucking pissed me off.

Marie had never done anything like that before. I would have expected something like that from Tiedoll or Daisya, but not Marie. He was calm and rational, but that night he was as a wild animal. I had seen a desperation that bothered me. He looked restless and so un-Marie like. It was unsettling.

I stepped in the house and walked towards the sound coming from the living room expecting to see Marie and the whole gang of idiots there, but saw only Moyashi and Lenalee struggling to set up the DVD player.

I sat down on the couch, and saw Moyashi fussing about some cables in his hands. By the looks of it he was trying to untangle them and was failing miserably.

Lavi kneeled in front of him and grabbed the instructions that were by Allen's side. His eyes scanned over the paper and he signaled out the cables needed to complete the set up.

I was watching Allen intently with a smile on my face as he continued to struggle on disentangling the cable in his hands.

"Bean, I kind of want to see the movie today," I said as I rolled my eyes at him.

"Shut up, BaKanda!" he pouted. "If you helped us set up the DVD player, we would already be seeing it."

"You were the one with the brilliant idea," I stated.

"You agreed to it!"

"Only because there was nothing better to do."

"Help me then," he said as he stood with the cables in his hands. He looked at me expectantly and I sighed as I reached for the tangled cables in his hands.

He smiled and sat down beside me as he watched me disentangle the cables from one another. It was a pretty nasty knot due to Allen messing with it.

He set his head in my shoulder as he saw my hands move. Lenalee and Lavi stopped what they were doing and watched in utter amazement how close Allen and I were to each other. They were clearly surprised that I hadn't brushed Allen away. I never allowed so much contact from another human being, but Allen wasn't just another human being. He was my partner, but they didn't know that….yet. Not that they wouldn't find out on their own; it was pretty obvious.

Allen was still unsure about telling them or anyone about our newly formed relationship. He and I agreed that we would tell everyone eventually, but we hadn't found the perfect opportunity to inform everyone.

Personally, I had been ready to announce that Allen had accepted me, but Allen wasn't as confident. He was afraid of what they might think when I truly didn't give a damn.

I untangled them and gave them to Allen who quickly plugged the in their correct input. The rest was done in a flash and Lenalee and Allen went to the kitchen to retrieve some snacks that Jerry had made for the "special occasion."

They came back quickly and started the movie. We had decided to see some romance movie that after some persistent nagging from Lenalee we had decided to watch.

I had already forgotten the name of the movie and I settled myself for what was to be one of the longest movies ever.

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><p><strong>Reviews are appreciated because they make me happy, but I won't beg for them, no matter how much I want to. No flames please because they suck and make me terribly sad. Happy New Years!<strong>


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